When I Fall
by Koki-chan
Summary: So, I'll smile, I'll fool you all. So you won't expect it when I fall. [Demyx] [Rated for implied selfmutilation and implied suicide.][Onesided DemyxXemnas, if you squint, sorta]


**Well, here is my first shot at angst. I wrote the poem last night when I was feeling down. I hashed out the story this morning. This was inspired by the poem I wrote, a poem about a _problem_ I have ... and m mother. Meh ... it's total crap, if you walk away right now, I don't blame you. Also, an FYI, I don't cut, I'm not emo or anything, I just bottle things up. And when it reaches its breaking point, this is what happens.**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I do own the poem, but that's noting to be proud of._**

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"Why did you not use his weakness against him, Number IX? I specifically ordered you to do so." Xemnas glared at The Melodious Nocturne, thoroughly annoyed with the boy's actions.

"I'm sorry, Superior." Demyx looked down, a look of pain spreading across his voice. Out of all the feelings he was not supposed to feel, his Superior's disappointment in him hurt the most. "I forgot in the heat of it all." he mumbled, instantly regretting his words. He fully knew that this statement would only enrage Xemnas even more.

"You forgot!" Xemans seethed, "Are you even aware of the threat that that boy poses against our Organization?" his voice grew louder with each word. "You, Number IX, out of all the remaining members, are the one who cannot afford these mishaps. Considering how well you fight, you need all the advantages you can get."

"Yes, I know Superior." I mumbled, tears stinging at my eyes.

"Why is it always you, Number IX? Whenever the dusks get out of hand, it was you who was supposed to be watching them. Whenever _anything _goes wrong, do you know who is at fault?" Xemnas asked, glaring daggers.

Demyx refused to look up.

"I asked you a question."

"I am. I am the one at fault." he whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek.

"Don't give me that!" Xemnas screamed. "Whenever you do something wrong, you cry. That does not work on me, as a matter of fact, it makes me angrier."

Demyx fisted the tear off of his cheek, cursing it for betraying him. "It won't happen again." he said, desperately trying to keep his voice steady

"See that it doesn't." he waved his hand, signaling for the boy to leave.

_I'm sorry, Superior, that I forget_

_Please, don't scream, Superior_

_I'm already full of regret_

_But, you keep screaming, Superior_

_About all the things I do_

_But, you don't realize, Superior_

_All I do, it's all to impress you_

_Please, oh please, Superior_

_Will you forgive me?_

_Please, oh please, Superior_

_Please do not be angry_

_I'm sorry that I cry_

_I know you hate it, Superior_

_But it's all I can really do_

_If I don't, I feel I may die_

Once he was safe in his quarters, and only then, did he let the tears fall freely. He fisted them away from his cheeks, cursing himself for being so weak. He crumpled to the floor, his face soaked. He wiped his face once more, his loves soaked through with the salty liquid. He pulled them off, flinging them across the room. He reached for his sitar, running his fingers across the surface. This weapon that Xemnas had given him had provided him with so much relief. It was almost funny. The one man who made him experience all the feelings one would be glad to be rid of when losing a heart, he had given him the one object that helped him release those feelings.

He held the sitar on his lap, absently plucking random strings, succeeding in only making noise. He stopped, once again running a finger across the surface. His finger pricked against a sharp edge, drawing blood. He stared at the vibrant, red liquid curling down his finger. He had never realized how sharp his sitar was. I thought flashed across his mind. "No, I can't do that." he mumbled to himself. "What would he say then?" He wrestled with the thought, but the evil he had tried to suppress took over. He pulled the sleeve of his cloak up around his elbow, touching the sharp part of the sitar against the flesh.

_I know how I'll remember!_

_Oh, Superior, I feel so clever!_

_I'll carve it in my arm_

_Oh, Superior, won't you be thrilled?_

_But, you don't realize, Superior_

_I'm slowly being killed_

_But, you can't know that_

_I won't be a brat_

"I have decided to give you a second chance." Xemnas mused. "Consider yourself lucky."

Demyx nodded, a small smile cracking his face, "Thank you."

"I trust you will not come back without a victory."

"Of course not." I smiled, "Anything you say."

_So, I'll keep smiling, Superior_

_I'll nod and listen to your every whim_

_Surely, then, one of us will win_

_'It' runs down my arms_

_But don't give it another thought_

_You need not know of all the wars that I have fought_

"Oh, don't be mad. Of course we have hearts." I chuckled, staring my enemy in the eye.

The boy looked ta me with big blue eyes, they held an innocence that I coveted.

Of course we have hearts. If we didn't, how could I feel this way?

_I won't forget anymore_

_Marks I have by the score_

_Running down my arm, so I won't forget_

_Running down my arm, but I still feel regret_

_But, you can't know that, can you, Superior?_

I can't win. I can see that clearly. I will not be coming back, I promised I would not return without a victory. So I lunge at the cursed key, the blade piercing right through my ... heart. I fall to the floor, finally, I have my escape. He does not need to know of these battles I have with myself.

I look up at the boy, brown hair sticking up in every direction. He clutches his side. I laugh, a pain shooting through my entire body. I had wounded him. The great Keyblade Master, I had hurt him. I give one last smile, a smile to thank him. I kept my promise, that is all that matters now.

_So, I'll smile, I'll fool you all_

_So you won't expect it when I fall_

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**Yeah ... I feel I can sort of identify with Demyx, meh ... sorry for making him that way. If you hate it, you hate it, and I apologize. That battle is the one in Hollow Bastion, in case you wondered. **


End file.
